Say it with me, "F-R-A-Z-Z-L-E-D"

The toddler may or may not have pink eye and got a really bad diaper rash out of nowhere, the dog has peed in the house twice today, my husband isn't feeling well but went to work anyway, and I have nearly lost it with all three of them at some point today.  Not to mention I am behind on laundry and dishes, but what else is new?  Frazzled is how I am feeling at the moment.  I had a wonderful time at church this morning, but I did have to leave early.  I decided to bring the hubs coffee to make him feel better and let him know I am thinking of him, the dog is in his crate for a time out because I fear I may actually rub his nose in the carpet if he pees on it one more time today, and I put TJ in a nice hot bubble bath because that always helps the little booger calm down.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my life because I know I have it good, thanks to God...but today has been one of those days and I am in constant mini-prayer (Lord, please help me..).  I'm not sure if I am missing his cues or what, but Jazz has gone out to pee and poo and then come right in to pee.  Is this normal? How do I stop this?  This is so unsanitary to me, even after I clean the spot up.  TJ has had some goopy yellow stuff in his tear ducts and his little eyeball has some angry red veins...is this pink eye?  Whose pillow fart did he catch?!  Travis hasn't been feeling well since his VA appointments this past week, I think having to talk about everything 3 different times has taken its toll on him for now.  I just needed a moment to get everything down and out of my mind, because then I can re-group and refocus on the important tasks at hand.  The sermon this morning was on worry.  Am I worried about all these things today?  Not really, they just frustrate me.  I know my dog will eventually learn that the carpet is not meant for peeing but lounging on, my son will receive the healing for his little butt and his eye, and my husband is a strong and mighty man of God and I know that God is healing him.  I also know that my frazzled state won't last but for a second; I am already feeling more calm than I was prior to typing this up.  I love my life, even if it is crazy, loud, unpredictable, and anything but normal.  Be blessed peeps.

Baking soda gets the grease out!

In an effort to help reduce our rather large carbon footprint and just be healthier people, in general, I have started to implement the use of natural and more homemade products for our family.  My first efforts have included re-introducing cloth diapers into our household.  I will admit, I got really lazy when it came to cloth diapering..mainly because there was a point when TJ had such chunky thighs that the diapers were leaving angry red marks and I couldn't bare to see my baby bear in any pain.  Anyway, I have brought them back now that the little dude has thinned out a bit and it is helping.  While we still aren't exclusively cloth diapering, which is my goal here, we are still cutting our 'sposie diaper use in half.  I must say these cloth diapers have taken a beating and they are still just as good (if  not better than) when I first purchased and prepped them.  Other introductions have included the use of homemade laundry soap.  5 gallons of this stuff and it should last us at least 9 months or more.  We have an HE top loader so we don't use as much as recommended and it has been great so far, even with T's car-greased stained clothes and work pants.  It is gentle enough to use on the c/d's and tough on even the oiliest of grease stains.  I love the stuff, so much in fact that I gave some to my mom to use.  We also implemented a new strategy to help lower our water usage; I got this idea from a natural living site.  We now use the motto, "If it's yellow, let it mellow.  If it's brown, flush it down."  I know it sounds gross, but in the name of saving money and reducing our water usage; I am all for it.  As far as personal care goes, I have forgone the use of shampoo and conditioner and instead keep my hair clean and conditioned with baking soda and apple cider vinegar.  Shampoo contains chemicals that strip the hair of natural oils, causing the scalp to over-produce these necessary oils that protect the hair.  Conditioners leave so much residue that the hair is coated in "gunk" and it may not all come out with shampoo.  Not to mention shampoo and conditioners are expensive.  I have been using this for a little over a week now and I must say, I don't have to clean my hair as much because it isn't as greasy as it normally is (oh the joy of thin and fine hair) and my ends are more manageable and less dry, thanks to the apple cider vinegar.  I usually follow with an olive oil spritz; it helps neutralize what little odor the acv leaves behind and acts as an additional detangler/leave in conditioner.  I don't think I will be using shampoo or conditioner ever again, but who knows when I will want the smell of strawberries or something in my luscious locks?  I credit a lot of my findings to the website, "Pinterest."  People pin images of people, places, things, ideas, etc.  I have found many recipes, craft ideas, natural living ideas, and fun stuff on that site.  I recommend a visit to that site. 

I am also planning on homebirths for our future children.  I have spoken with fellow moms/friends who have experienced this and even got some pretty honest advice from a doula who attended TJ's birth, I am also in touch with some local midwives here in MI.  Most people that I have spoken with about this think I am nuts and try to use TJ's birth as an excuse for me to be in a hospital.  I can honestly say that because of my horrible experience with the birth of our son, I am positive a homebirth will help to heal still-open wounds the bond with my husband and son will become stronger.  I am aware of statistics, I am very well aware something could do wrong (after all, it happened the first time), I am also aware that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time.  I am aware that my body will do what it needs to do in order to safely birth my son; in the event that all measures taken are not working I can always go to the hospital.  I am thankful that I have that option, but it will not be my first choice.  I prefer to not be hooked up to every beeping and blinking piece of technology and not have to be strapped down to a bed.  I prefer to be able to move around and trust my body.  Homebirth is not for everyone; one of my doulas told me this.  She also told me she was certain this is something I could do.  Some women need the comfort of a hospital and that is fine; I am glad we were in a hospital for TJ's birth (even if it was a result of too much intervention) and I am glad I have that option.  I am excited for this.  I am not even pregnant yet, and I am already psyching myself up for this!

Later this spring/summer we are going to put up some gutters and have a "rain barrel" to collect the rain water so we can water our plants.  I also plan on hanging a lot of our clothes to dry outside; sunning is the best deodorizer and stain remover!  I am excited for our family to be more natural and save money! 

The Anti-Annoyed...

So the other day when I posted about being annoyed, I truly was annoyed.  With people and various circumstances in which I find myself on a day to day basis.  However, I promised a change this year did I not?  In my defense, I would just like to say that Wednesday was a very emotionally tough day for me; many realizations had dawned on me all at once and I was not prepared for the onslaught of heartache.  That said, I am doing much better after having promised myself to move forward and given these people/situations to God because I am simply done with trying to deal with them on my own.  Clearly, these were issues that I knew would need to be dealt with at some point, but I was so focused on being happy that I tucked them away in that deep part of my brain known as, "deal with it later," and somehow they spilled out.  It was a very good thing I had church that evening, because being with my church family was just what the "good" Doctor ordered.  Now with all THAT said, I would like to write an anti-annoyed list and share with you all (okay, just me...but still) to counteract the negativity of my last post (although, the peeing thing really DOES annoy me).  I present to you, in no particular order, 35 things that make me happy!  Enjoy. 

1.)  Waking up to sunshine instead of overcast skies.
2.) Watching elderly couples flirt after all the years they've been together. - My grandparents aren't together anymore, but even I can see they still sort of regard each other in "that" way...they think I don't know.
3.) People who call me from time to time just to say hi and check in. - Granted, I am not the best at keeping in touch with people but it is nice to hear from someone every once in a while...I ought to take my own advice.
4.) When I see daddies wearing their babies. - There is nothing more masculine than taking care of your babies, and being a baby-wearer myself...it is especially "awwww" worthy when a dad does it.
5.) Listening to my son talk himself to sleep. - Even after nearly 3 years of having him....sometimes I am still amazed that he is my baby.
6.) When I see the opportunity to give to someone in need and it seems like everything is in place for me to do so. - It never fails and I love helping people, everyone deserves kindness.
7.)  Singing in front of people, especially my church family. - Whether a big crowd or a small gathering, bringing emotion to people through song is something that I will never tire of.

8.) Babies. - They smell good, they are cute, they are innocence personified.
9.) When my husband cooks me an omelette.- Getting him to cook me an omelette is like asking the Pope to come to a Gospel church service...you would think I was asking him for a kidney.  Man that man cook a mean omelette though.
10.) Purses.- I have one in nearly every color of the rainbow.  I am not a purse snob, I don't care what brand as long as it is cute.
11.) When I can share my testimony of infertility.- I was told that I may never have children, but I do and he is the best!
12.) Chili's Buffalo Chicken Salad. - I have tried to recreate this amazing salad to no avail.  I am hooked.
13.) Fried Pickles.- Because duh!
14.) Being married to someone who has seen me at my worst and still thinks I am the hottest woman ever.- God really broke the mold with that man.
15.) When I put on a coat after not wearing it for very long, and I find money in the pocket. - This is awesome because it has happened nearly every winter for the past few years.  Keep it comin'!
16.) When I see a new mom or a seasoned mom breastfeeding their baby without apology.- One of my biggest fears of moving back to this country was all the nonsense over breastfeeding and how I would cope, because in Europe this isn't an issue at all.  Whenever I see a mama feeding her baby in public, I smile at her and let her know that I have her back.  I always get a knowing smile right back. 
17.) When I am feeling a little blue or a little sick and my boy comes up to me, hugs me, kisses me, and says, "mama." - That right there?  I don't ever want to take that for granted, I feel instantly better.
18.) When people are losing weight for health and for themselves, not for society or because someone else told them to. - Do it for you, not for someone else...it isn't their body.
19.) Coffee. - I do take some coffee with my flavored creamers...hehe.
20.) Lying down on freshly laundered sheets.- They are so soft and smell so good.
21.) Being able to walk into a store and buy something if the opportunity arises.- I will never take this for granted again. 
22.) Knowing that this earth is not my forever home.- I used to think people who believed in God were crazy and that Heaven was just a nice little fantasy they told themselves to make themselves feel better.  After everything I have been through in my life, I now understand those people.  I am so glad I will go to Heaven.
23.) Sunny days. - Must be the vitamin D.
24.) Amusement Parks.- Although I don't love roller coasters as much as I used to, I still love the smaller rides and just spending a fun day with my family and friends.
25.) Jesus. - This should go without saying, but I say it anyway.
26.) My husband. - He has done a lot with his life and he makes me so proud and happy to be his wife.
27.) Me. - I am finally becoming happy with me and who I am.
28.) The first bite into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. - Yup, it is that good.
29.) When I balance my checkbook and it actually balances! - I am such a nerd, I get geeked over this.
30.) When good things happen to my family and friends. - I weep when they weep and I rejoice when they rejoice.
31.) When someone takes the time to be honest with me, even if its not what I want to hear. - Very seldom do I come across people who tell me the truth in a loving way, instead they wish to lie to me and it hurts because I know I am worthy of the truth.
32.) When I am having a bad day and I am praying to God for help and suddenly the phone rings and the person who was on my heart is on the other end. - This has happened to me on many occasions, I thank God each and every time.
33.) People who love me, even when I am unlovable. - Need I say more?
34.) Sitting on my chaise lounge with a cup of coffee and relaxing. - I just close my eyes and thank God for the little things.
35.) People who overcome adversity.- This makes me happy.

Not a long list, but just some of the things that make me happy.  What makes you happy?  What or whom do you love?  If you are reading this and I haven't called you or communicated with you in quite some time; I apologize for being such a lousy friend/family member.  You are important to me and I want you to know that.  You are in every prayer, in my heart, and in my mind.  616-808-6146 is my cell, so we can text or call.  I don't care who calls whom, I just want you to know that I love you and I am asking for your forgiveness if I have hurt you by not keeping in contact with you.  I love you and God bless!

~Sally

Annoyed meme....

I haven't really been inspired to write a witty blog post lately; call it a lack of creative flow (or that I just didn't feel like writing).  It seems like every time I blog lately it is a negative ranting post or some random update about our family and how TJ is doing.  I would like to say that I am done ranting and raving, but sadly that isn't the case.  I've just been seeing a lot of "things" lately that irritate me. For your enjoyment, here is a list (in no particular order) of 35 things/people that annoy me.  Wait, but Sally...aren't you a Christian?  Shouldn't you pray for people or situations that annoy you?  For shame!  Yes, I am a Christian...but I also have emotions because, guess what?  I AM HUMAN.  I am allowed to get mad, angry, sad, etc.  The difference between me and someone who isn't saved?  You tell me, because a Saint is just a sinner who fell down..and got up.  I just don't let my emotions dictate how I treat others; after all everyone is going through something and far be it from me to belittle them (as hard as that is).  So, without further delay....

1.)  People who let their dogs run freely through the neighborhood. - Seriously, you have two large dogs that can jump over the fence and poop in my yard.  I dealt with this in Army housing, I will NOT tolerate in my own home.  Keep your canines in check please.

2.)  People who park their vehicles in front of my house. - Is it hurting me?  No.  We have had to share parking spaces for the last 3 years...since we now have our own property, it would be nice to park out front if we feel like it!

3.)  People who say, "Call me if you need anything!" - I have heard this too many times by too many people who didn't mean it.  Cynical of me, but I am working on it.

4.)  Women who complain about their husbands being gone for a weekend. - The Army wife in me says, "Try it for a year, on top of having your first miscarriage alone, with nobody but a nurse."  I miss field training exercises...

5.) When I get home and suddenly have the urge to pee really bad, even though I didn't need to just a few minutes ago...and for some reason it takes longer to get in the house. - This happens all the time.  Does my bladder detect when our toilet is within 50 feet?

6.) Women who have their babies early just to avoid having a large baby and/or stretch marks. - I cannot believe that some doctors allow this to happen.  Unless their is a medical reason, this shouldn't be allowed.

7.) Doctors who dismiss my health concerns and tell me to lose weight and it will cure all my ills.- Really?  I   was not aware that losing weight could solve my mole issues.  

8.) When I am mistaken for Kirsten Dunst. - This has actually happened to me.  Do I look skinny and blonde?  Wow, get your glasses fixed there dude.

9.) When the captain says, "We are experiencing mild turbulence..." and the plane makes a sudden drop. - Pretty sure that was more than sweat in my seat when I got up after the flight ended, just sayin'.  Mild is a little juggling, when the overhead compartments pop open...it is time to talk safety!

10.) People who tell me what I should/shouldn't post on my blog or facebook. - Pretty sure it is mine and if you don't like it, don't read...that is all I ask!

11.) When people assume I do nothing all day when they find out I am not currently working. - This is not by choice, mind you.  I would work if I could find a job willing to work around our family schedule.  I have yet to find daycare that is open after 6PM and all the potential employers want me to work nights and weekends.  

12.)  Family and friends who don't respond to my messages, emails, or wall posts, even after weeks. - Am I silly because this bothers me?  I don't know, all I know it that it does.  

13.)  When I go into a room for something and suddenly have amnesia and cannot remember what I was doing or why I'm in that room. - I really don't like this one.

14.)  When I am walking through a doorway and jam my arm or elbow into the wall. - Someone with fibromyalgia will understand.  Bumping into things or even light touches often feel like someone is digging into our muscles with knives...not fun.

15.)  People who think women should put a cover over their nursing infant. - I get you don't want to see a breast, because God knows you don't see enough of them in every day television or commercial ads.  How about next time you are eating at the sunny spot in the park on a hot summer day, I come along and throw a nice polyester lined blanket over your head...I don't want to see you chewing with your mouth open.

16.) Trains that take FOREVER at railroad crossings. - People in Indiana will sympathize.

17.) Trains that come to sudden stops at railroad crossings. - See above.

18.) The fact that I care at all what other people think. - While I don't like confrontation or being mean to people, I am not here to please you.  

19.) Snow. - Need I say more?  

20.) People who gossip. - If you talk about your friend this way, I don't need to be your friend.  If you are that unhappy with someone, then tell them.

21.) When I get home from the grocery store and realize I forgot to use the coupons I had saved. - This really bugs me.

22.) When people assume my husband isn't disabled because he isn't missing any limbs. - This is sheer ignorance.  Wounded Veterans don't always look wounded.

23.)  The westboro baptist church people. - They annoy me for several reasons, not the least of which is they give Christianity a bad name.  I promise, we are not all death-loving, world-hating, people.  Did you know these people cuss freely?  Wow.

24.)  Men who believe a woman should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. - Get over yourself.

25.) People who think they are better parents because they have more children than me. - Congratulations, you're reproductive system works better than mine....but your children need guidance.

26.) When I go to correct my son and he throws his arms around my neck and says, "mama." - Resistance is futile.  

27.) When I am trying to walk out of someones path and we end up doing "the dance."- This is just awkward for all involved.

28.) When I need to get through an aisle and one person is taking up all the space, sees me coming and ignores my asking to pass by. - Lord, I need your hand over my mouth when it comes to these people. 

29.) When I send someone a long worded text or message and I get an "OK" in response. - My sister and dad are soooo guilty of this.

30.) When I change TJs diaper and he poops immediately afterward. - *insert facepalm here*

31.) People who think I can't take a joke. - I can take a joke, you just assume I'll be offended.

32.) People who drink and drive. - RIP James, I miss you big bro.

33.) When I am driving on the road and I suddenly panic that I forgot TJ at home, look into the rearview mirror and he is there. - STUPID BRAIN!

35.) People who automatically assume I am unhealthy because I am plus sized. - Please get your head out of the weight-room long enough to do your research.  If I was unhealthy, you would actually have a valid argument.

There you go peeps.  I needed to write this down and purge these negative feelings from within.  It's a cathartic experience, like crying...only I am not ruining my eye makeup.  As always, God bless and see ya later!

Like a volcano...

Today TJ had his first meltdown.  We took him to the mall to play in the kids area (which consists are giant pieces of breakfast food like eggs, cereal, waffles, etc.) and he played for quite a while.  Then he discovered the exists and took off a total of....ok I lost track of how many times he tried to run out.  After the Nth time he took off, he was told if he did this again we would be leaving because running away from mommy and daddy is not acceptable nor is it safe.  Needless to say he tried taking off once more so we packed up and proceeded to head out.  He started to cry and bend himself backwards (the toddler version of the alligator death roll) and then started screaming, "play, play, mama, daddy, PLAY!"  Needless to say, it was a sight to see.  Granted, this wasn't the worst tantrum I have witnessed, but it was TJ's first real battle.  We walked around for a bit and distracted him with various questions, "What's that? Who's that?" until the tears stopped and he was his normal happy self.  I can say that I have been preparing for these tantrums by helping TJ to learn about feelings, but todays experience has me thinking about more ways he can learn how to express his feelings.  *phew*

New Year, new attitude, new changes....

Happy New Year!  I love writing year in review posts almost as much as I enjoy reading them.  It's always nice to rejoice with someone who has overcome adversity over the last year, on the other hand it is a blessing to be able to offer encouragement to someone who is still going through something.  You may have noticed the layout is a bit different; I changed it to suit our life changes.  Let's take a look at what 2011 offered to the Moser family, shall we?

The beginning of 2011 was a month of anticipation and preparation for us.  We knew we were on our way out of the military; we were preparing to say goodbye to friends and hello to a new/old way of life.  Going back to civilian life sounds easy, but when you have been part of a military family the transition is difficult at best.  At least for our family.  God is still bringing us through, as Travis and I still both struggle with losing our Army family, and I know peace is just around the corner for us.  With that said, we were able to visit Rome for the second time, which was amazing as we were able to see more of the city and surrounding areas than our previous visit...not to mention we had an extra person with us this time.  TJ just makes everything better; seeing the world as he does is humbling.  He is still learning how to behave and what is inappropriate and what is acceptable.  2011 also saw us become the victims of nosy and incredibly judgmental prejudice, when we were reported for child abuse.  Someone didn't like the way I chose to discipline my son, who had a biting problem at the time, and decided I needed to be in trouble.  I have favor with God though, and the agency knew me well.  I thank God that His hand was over that situation, but I will admit that I lost my temper and *temporarily* my mind.  I have forgiven that wrong, just this morning in fact.  I refuse to be bound by unforgiveness, so I made up my mind to move forward.  2011 also saw two of my very best friends have their miracle babies.  One was a complete shocker and the other was long awaited.  While I didn't make it in time to welcome little "C" into the world, I was able to make in time to be one of the very first people to love on him.  I sure hope his mama knows how much I appreciate that!  For baby "T" I was there for it all; labor to birth.  What an incredible experience!  To watch her work so hard to bring him into this world and then watch as he took his first breath of life; beautiful!!  That is one experience I will always cherish.  Thank you Kayla for letting me be there, you will never know how honored I feel to have witnessed his birth!  We celebrated TJ's 1st birthday in Germany and boy is that kid loved by many!  He was spoiled with gifts and hugs and kisses galore!  2011 also saw us moving back stateside.  Here we are, nearly 5 months later, and we are still adjusting.  Thank God for His abundant mercy and many blessings or we would have completely lost it!  People said we wouldn't be able to find a home or a job and within 3 months of moving back we bought a house, Travis got a job, and we have a wonderful church home.  See how GREAT God is?!  Our own families were telling us these things wouldn't happen...but God made a way out of no way!  I am still in awe.  We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families for the first time in years and it was a blessing.  Sometimes Travis and I sit and talk about Fort Riley or Baumholder, from time to time, and wish we could go back...but we know this is where God wants us to be.  I am thankful because this has given Travis and I the opportunity to grow closer to one another.  He has started to open up to me about some of the things he has gone through while in the Army.  I am able to open up about some things we well.  God is allowing healing and restoration to take place, I could not ask for more.  Travis is getting ready to receive a good report from the VA, I am waiting for the right job opportunity and school opportunity to come along, and TJ is growing by leaps and bounds.


In short, 2011 saw our family suffer a great loss when Travis was taken off active duty and his files officially closed.  We both feel like we lost our family.  Granted, 6 years isn't a majority of a lifetime...but it feels like it when you've given as much as we have and sacrificed as much we have.  2011 also saw God bring us up out of the pits of despair, because we both went through depression (I had a late on-set of PPD) and it was really wearing on our family and faith.  We have been blessed beyond measure, we've watched our friends come home from war (we celebrate with you all in spirit), moved closer to our family, we have 24 hour shopping, we have money to eat and pay the bills, and we have a HOME!  2012 is going to bring us so much more joy and happiness!  God is going to open a window of Heaven and the blessings will fall in abundance!

This year I am changing my attitude.  I am not going look at the glass half empty.  I want to be a better person; smile more, laugh more, enjoy my life more, not take my blessings for granted, enjoy my son instead of yelling at him, love on my husband instead of criticize him, tell my friends and family how much I love them as often as possible, open up to people, stop hiding behind other peoples' opinions and form my own.  Stand up for my beliefs and have more faith in God.

I pray that each of you have a prosperous new year and that, if you don't know who God is...that you seek Him and find Him.  I know, it sounds crazy when people quote scriptures or continuously praise God...but He is awesome and I want for all of you to experience His grace.  From someone who used to be the biggest skeptic...if you only knew what God has in store for you.  Much love!

~Sally

Back to the Baby Game...

Travis has given the go ahead to start trying, officially, for another little Moser.  He told me that I was not allowed to become obsessive about it this go 'round.  I agreed, I don't want to put myself or anyone else through that ever again.  This is our first month TTC (trying to conceive, for your fertile myrtles out there) and I am already "late" with a BFN.  I seriously pray that it's not going to be like it was before.  Many people aren't aware that there is such a thing as "secondary infertility."  It is real and it does exist, especially for people who had babies after being diagnosed "infertile."  Travis and I are that couple.  I am not claiming secondary infertility, I refuse to accept it.  I will not be bound by the devil of doubt, I won't.  I am not going to drive myself nuts either. If we just have our one precious boy, then he is all we can handle.  Do I want more children?  Of course, but I don't want to become that crazy baby-making obsessed woman I was before.  There is nothing sadder than a woman who is in desperation over becoming a mother.  Believe me, I have been there.  All that aside, I am excited to try but at the same time I am keeping my emotions in check.  I still get that sad feeling every time only one line shows up on the test, but I know I am blessed because I do have a miracle asleep in his bed at this moment.  I just wanted to let everyone know it is official, because our past struggles are not far from our minds.  I have friends who are still longing to be parents and I don't want to overwhelm them in any way.  Just a short note, to give you a bit of where we are in our lives.

Christmas was a blast.  TJ made out like a bandit and, like we have done every year since his birth (OK...only since last year), we explained the reason behind Christmas and who St. Nicholas really was.  We watched the Nativity story, opened gifts, made cookies, spent time with family, and celebrated the birth of our Lord.  It was a great time to be with family.  TJ got to spend Christmas with his extended family for the first time, which was great because he loves playing with his older cousins and showing off for his grandparents and aunties.  My boy is a joy and he is so awesome.  He is the best thing to ever happen to me on this earth.  I pray his sweet spirit and joyful attitude stay with him for eternity.  How was your Christmas?

Debate, Schmebate.

I've been reading a lot of hullabaloo lately on the 'net. No matter what website I visit, there is always some debate going on. Like any curious person, I take a peek and see whats going on. Aside from the usual (abortion, religion, political), there have been some heated debates over things like vaccination, corporal punishment of children and it's *alleged* biblical background, and the fat vs. skinny fight. Granted, none of these are really new debates, but they have gained some real attention lately and I am not sure why. Normally, I keep my mouth shut and refuse to participate because if I do open my mouth, I anger or offend someone and they either quit talking to me for a while or drop me like a hot potato. HOWEVER.

I had to open my mouth on the corporal punishment debate; I have researched this dead horse to death. I am against spanking my son, but that doesn't mean I haven't slipped a couple of times and those times have just served to remind me just why I am against spanking. I have extremely personal reasons I feel this way, mainly due to my own childhood (and Travis feels this way as well), and to put it plainly how wrong it feels for me to strike my child. We used to smack patty's (smack hands) but even this form of punishment has me questioning my parenting choice. I have friends that spank their children, and my friends know my opinion because in my research I discussed this matter with them. Do I think any less of my friends? Absolutely not. I don't agree with their choices, but that is just it..those are THEIR choices and not mine. I must say, however, that I have yet to actually see these friends spanking their kids, so who knows? The reason I included myself in this online debate was because people were trying to say that spanking is biblical and quoting the infamous Proverbs scriptures as references, without knowing what they were quoting. "Spare the rod, spoil the child." I hear this phrase a lot and it is often and incorrectly referred to as a biblical scripture. It is not. It is actually from a poem written by a man in the 1600's. Proverbs does often refer to a "rod" and tells one to discipline their child. I am not going to get into detail, I just urge you to research it. I just get irritated when people twist scripture around to benefit their own agenda. The Old Testament is full of laws, some are outdated and do not apply to our culture today. For example, it is NOT acceptable to stone a person in the street, for any reason. I could go on about this one, but my argument here isn't about the morality of spanking...it is about using the Word of God as a tool for your own agenda. Please quit quoting things as scripture that are NOT. MOVING ON!!

The fat vs. skinny thing. I didn't offer my opinion on this website because one look at me and you will know whose side I am on (seriously, I LOVE my curves). Really though, I don't advocate being lazy, eating unhealthy foods, and living a sedentary lifestyle. I also think starvation diets, practically living at the gym, changing for someone other than yourself, feeling guilty for eating, and worrying about every calorie that goes in your mouth are just as bad. Here I was looking at pictures of young women who were saying things like, "punch yourself in the stomach to alleviate hunger and you won't eat!" What is with the need to be skinny anyway? Why can't we be strong or, better yet, HAPPY with ourselves? This one girl had posted a picture of a clearly emaciated woman (who had hipbones that were so visible you make out the curve of her pelvic bones) and said she wanted to be just like her. SORRY LADIES! You were meant to have a little bit of a bulge in your lower abdomen...it is where your UTERUS sits. Then I see pictures of the opposite side of the spectrum; pictures of extremely large (dare I say morbidly obese?) stating how proud they are of themselves and they don't do anything. Now I am all for loving yourself, but if you disregard your health altogether then I am not in agreement with you. My point? Love your body, take care of it (even too much exercise and strenuous diets are abusive to your body), and don't change for anyone else but yourself (as long as the change is healthy). Our society places too much emphasis on the outer and not nearly enough on the inner. You think skinny people are the happiest? Life isn't great just because you are a size 2 or a size 20. Life is hard and you have to go through struggles and triumph to get where you want to be.   All these little posts that rag on skinny or fat people are sad. Man or woman, we should build each other up and help one another out. Do you really think that woman in the plus sized section needs to be told she is overweight? Do you think the skinny girl needs to be reminded she has no curves?  LOVE people; love yourself, love your neighbor. No judgement here; just love. In my life I have been teased heavily, I was even the victim of a very cruel prank (movie worthy) and you have no idea how that tore me up. Someone I had a very strong crush on in junior high, somehow found out and his friends put him up to asking me out as a joke. I was so excited and when I went to meet up at my locker (I was clutching my books to my chest, blushing and nervous...but so happy that a boy FINALLY saw through my fat and liked ME), there he was with his friends (a few of them were girls) and they laughed out loud and pointed. The worst part? I had class with all of them right after. "She actually thought you wanted to go out with her? She is ugly and FAT." I remember that. Am I angry about it still? Nope. It took me until well into my adulthood to forgive the people who teased and taunted me, but I no longer carry that burden. ANYWAY. There shouldn't be a debate of skinny vs. fat. Just be healthy, love yourself, and love others (even when they are unlovable).

I also stayed out of the vaccines debate, although I will say that there is new research out about vaccines that I have not seen. I've written papers on this as well, my son is vaccinated. However, I always urge parents to do their research on vaccines...don't do something because you are told to. This is your child's well being.

I apologize, I have no references or websites to offer but google is a wonderful tool to use and so is your local library. I sincerely hope nobody was offended by this post. I don't agree with every decision my friends or my family make and visa versa. I guess I just wanted to get my opinion on "paper." On to lighter topics.

TJ is learning new signs and new words DAILY. He now says (in addition to previously mentioned words): pee-pee, baby, speak (sign and word), water, milk (or mama as he calls it), juice, tv, remote (i see a pattern here), school, play, night night, amen, dinner, noodle, nose, and eye....that I can remember. He is growing so fast and at an alarming rate!! It seems like only yesterday I watched him come into this world (yes, I had a mirror..it was my motivation to get him out!). In a matter of months he will be 2. How exciting! I am hoping to have #2 on the way by then. I really want my children to be close in age. Not sure why, but I think it would be good for our family. Travis received a promotion and a raise, thank GOD. I am telling you right now that God has done so much for our family, blessing us beyond measure. Beyond what we deserve. I am so grateful to serve such a powerful and mighty and awesome God! Hallelujah!

I want to go study my bible now and spend some time with God. Love you all!

~SJ

So in case hasn't been let out of the bag yet, let it be known that the Moser family is hoping to expand by one or two more. Travis and I made the decision to try for another child. I went and had my *ahem* appointment this past week to make sure all is in working order. The doctor didn't want any of my past OB/GYN history that includes details about our previous miscarriages, our diagnoses of "unexplained infertility", and my pregnancy info. I tried explaining to the doc that I believe I have been experiencing anovulatory cycles and she gives me the eyebrow and asks me how I know this. This is after I tell her that I do not take birth control (I never have, probably never will) and that Travis and I practice natural family planning (it involves a female getting really personal with herself, detecting cervical patterns, fluid changes, etc.). I am abruptly told that I am not anovulatory because I have been having my cycle...I tried to explain that it isn't a normal cycle but my information falls on deaf ears, I mean how would I know anything about my own body?!? Basically she told me she didn't believe it took us 5 years to conceive TJ and because he was conceived naturally, I have nothing to worry about. All my close friends know of our struggle to conceive. I am so grateful that God blessed us with TJ. I stand in the belief that I am healed of infertility and I will bear more children. HOWEVER, when I am trying to give a doctor my history and it is dismissed by a condescending attitude...it really upsets me. She then proceeds to hint that Travis and I weren't actively TTC, which is why it took so long. *eye roll* I am so sick of know-it-all doctors who think they know an individual just by looking at them. I didn't even go for a fertility check up..she isn't an RE, just an OB/GYN who refused my medical records but proceeded to tell me how it is. I was saddened actually; I lost some faith in our healthcare system. Chances are, when I get pregnant I will be seeing someone else. ANYWAY. I didn't mean for that to get all negative and stuff.


Trav and I are excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas in our new home. Our family is coming over for Thanksgiving so that is going to be fun. We will be having traditional dinner food and enjoying being around our loved ones for the holiday and having or own home. I am so grateful to God for where He has brought from and where He will bring us. We want to go shopping on black Friday, it will be a first for both of us. We are hoping to score some good deals. Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

SJ

"I AM Here."

So I sit here and think about life. I have had all these perfectly formed stories floating around in my head and, wouldn't you know it, as soon as I have time to sit at my computer and actually put the proverbial pen-to-paper....nothing. I really wanted my blog to inspire people, to make people laugh (because really, I AM funny...right?), and be able to share my thoughts or opinions on issues that concern me (like a previous post that shall remain anonymous). I received a message last night from an old friend about how my posts on a certain social networking site have inspired her to go back to church and get into a relationship with God. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the Lord, but they also know that I have many, many flaws. I have been battling a spirit of depression lately; an awful feeling for anyone who has experienced this plight. Last night came to a breaking point when I was watching some inspirational videos online and the Glory of the Lord just fell. I have been experiencing what I like to call a "glass house" effect. I pray and seek the Lord, but I am in a glass house and all my pleas fall right back down to the floor. I know this happens to many of God's children, we all get to that place now and again, where we feel like God can't hear us. As this happened last night, I felt His arms wrap around me. I felt the peace I have been longing for just wash over me. Tears of repentance poured from my eyes as I heard that still small voice whisper, "I am here." I swear I heard the glass house breaking down all around me. I knew, in that moment, that God was taking over this battle for me. What I just realized, even as I type this, is that He was waiting for me to relinquish control to Him because I cannot do this on my own. How many songs have I sung about calling on the Lord or wanting the Lord's help? Yet, here I am trying to wage war against an enemy that is all too familiar with my flaws and knows how to break through the chink in my so-called armor. After I sat and prayed for a bit and thanked God for hearing my pleas, I received this message from my friend. They told me to keep posting about the Lord and how they were impressed with my posts online. The only thing I could think of was, "Do they know how many nights I lose sleep because I am so out of line with God?" I was touched, that even though I am going through some things in my life (which as most of you know, the last 6 months or so have not been easy on our family), someone sees the Jesus in me...even if it is through a status update online. I admit, there are times when I let my mouth (and my temper) get the best of me and I say or do something inappropriate. There are other times when I give someone tough love. The kind of love you give to someone when you know they are wrong and they need to be made aware? But I digress. I was so enamored with this message that I did the only thing I could think of. I sent a reply, telling my friend that I cannot take any credit for anything. I don't brag about me, I brag about my God and what HE has done for me. I told my friend not to be intimidated by people in a church, because even as much as some like to put on a show every Sunday...ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. Even the person behind the pulpit. I have witnessed people dressed to the nines every Sunday, every Bible verse memorized, able to recite the entire genealogy of Jesus Christ from memory unable to hold a candle to their counterpart who shows up in jeans and a t-shirt but has the word of God in their heart.

There is a song I love to sing when I need to remind myself that I am not perfect and never will be while on this earth. "We fall down, but we get up. We fall down, but we get up. For a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up." I told my friend that it takes courage to stand up and admit your faults to the Lord and humble yourself before Him. People don't realize that even though it is difficult to admit to your sin, being freed from it is the greatest reward there is. I am praying for my friend; praying for strength, deliverance, forgiveness, peace, and grace. You really need to be careful about what you call yourself and how you choose to act because people ARE watching you. You could be the only Jesus someone ever sees.

With that said, Thanksgiving is just around the corner and we are planning on hosting it at our home this year. This should be interesting, considering we have limited space for 20 some-odd people (who eat a Thanksgiving meal as if it were their only!). In other news, TJ will be going to daycare starting this week. As I will be either working or in school in the near future, I need to get him established in a group care setting with kids his own age. He has never been to daycare and this will probably be harder on me than him, HA! I am excited to start him out a couple days a week to see how he likes it. The couple times we have gone to the facility he'll be attending, he has expressed interest in wanting to play with the other kids and I am glad he is this enthused! Travis is also doing well, he is getting a promotion AND a raise (woohoo!) so that is awesome. God has really provided for our family in ways we never dreamed. How can I NOT give Him glory? Our house is feeling more like home (something I have been struggling with) and we are becoming closer as a family. I love life so much and I don't want to waste a single second of it!

Be blessed peeps!

Sal

I suppose that God showed me just how close people are watching what I do or say. One of my prayers is that people will see the Jesus in me, not the shy/temperamental/judgmental Sally in me. How silly of me to think that a long worded blog would do any better than a few status updates on the internet?

Get Down With the Sickness.....

After recovering from my last post, and let's face it people, my brain isn't exactly a great place to go wandering around sometimes you know? So here I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on life. There has been some strange microscopic creepy crawlies lurking 'round these here parts. First Travis gets sick and then TJ comes down with something. Fevers spiking and vomit flying the likes of which I have never seen before. 105.7 was the highest little man's temp got while at the ER, which I must brag for a minute and say that my home town has an ER catered specifically to children....complete with VALET parking! Anyway, after all preliminaries determine that TJ has no significant infection(s), they send us home with some zofran and the hopes that he will get better. I was almost 100% certain that what he had was viral. After one more night of high temps (by this time big Travis was fine), I took TJ in to see his doc. The doc thinks it's viral as well. I am once again sent home and told to keep up the tylenol/motrin diet. TJ's fever broke sometime yesterday afternoon and tonight has sprouted a slight rash on his body. The doc had warned me I may see this; the affects of the Roseola Virus after the fever breaks. It doesn't hurt TJ or make him itchy...it's just there. Now I am feeling a bit under the weather; stuffy nose, sore throat, blah-de-blah. This whole ordeal, in conjunction with the incident at Garmisch, has taught me that my son does not handle illness well at all. Some kids have only a slight reaction to infections while others, like my overachiever, tend to spike rapid fevers and vomit like there's no tomorrow. Who knew? Now I have to catch up on housework, my to-do list, and get the kiddo back on a healthy schedule. It is CRAZY how fast an illness can throw everyone off!!

In other news, it is going to snow soon here. Those who know me well, know that I don't care for snow...not even on Christmas. I grew up with the stuff, lived around it my whole life, but I just cannot bring myself to agree with it. One thing I am excited about though is being able to build a snowman with TJ and Travis and take him sledding at Pinery Park (where I used to go as a child). Snow is good for a few things, I suppose. :)

Some of you have been asking what we've done to the house thus far, so I have created a small list of what we've changed or repaired (this ought to be about as fun as watching paint dry, which oddly enough...I did do).

*TJ's Room: painted, replaced outlet covers, hung shelving.
*Kitchen: Replaced faucet, put in nice fridge (stainless steel anyone?).
*Bathroom: Added window covering, replaced shower head (nice rain shower head).
*Livingroom: replaced air intake grate (woohoo)
*Master Bedroom: Replaced closet doorknob
*Upstairs bedroom: notta, zip, zero, zilch. It needs to be painted...some nice kids who lived here before us practiced graffiti all over the walls and ceiling.
*Basement: decorated it with boxes and storage totes. :P
*Misc.: Added ADT security system, repaired cracked steps, boarded up a window in the garage, hung the U.S. flag

There is still a lot to be done such as replacing weather stripping, covering the pipes in the basement, repairing a window in the basement, taking down an old motion sensor in the master bedroom, painting the upstairs, painting trim and doors, replacing light switches and covers. Just little things, but they will get done in time. :)

Our house is amazing; we have neighbors who can annoy us from time to time but all I have to do is close my window or shut my drapes and I don't have to hear or see them. I can play my guitar or my music as loud as I want, it's awesome! I am so very thankful that God has provided for us. We have our OWN home, and we don't ever have to leave it. Praise the Lord!!

Until Next Time!

Hang on...this could get UGLY.

My last post from an actual computer was awhile ago. It feels good to be able to type on an actual keyboard and look up at the monitor. Not to mention I have missed blogging, not that I ever really stuck with my commitment to it; I just have had some words and feelings in my brain lately that are screaming to get out. I feel I must warn you of what you are about to read. My mind has been a chaotic place lately (more so than usual), and sometimes it is not pretty. This post will not have a beginning, middle, and end...it will be all over the place. Happy, sad, angry, confused, spiritual, secular, thoughtful, thoughtless, selfish, content, etc. You see where I am going with this? Feel free to stop reading now, I won't be offended. Does anyone read this thing anyway? Doesn't matter; I need this release.

We've been stateside for a little over 3 months. I went through my stage of grief over losing our place in the Army. Everything I was afraid of happening, has happened. What I didn't realize was that we were starting to be ostracized before we even received orders sending us back home. I was hurt, angry, sad, depressed, confused and yet I tried so hard to fit in. How do you fit in a place where you already live? Fast forward to when we left Germany. It was like "BAM!" here we are back at square one. Everything the WTU prepared Travis for, never came to light. The VA doesn't seek you out to help you; you must go to them and you must beg them for help. Because Travis suffers such great memory loss and his PTSD isn't so wonderful to deal with on a good day....I am his personal assistant, more or less. This means that I am the one on the phones, calling people and getting bounced from person to person. Travis was out of pain meds 2 weeks after we arrived. Because he was on transition leave, the VA clinic (that we went to) said they wouldn't touch him because he was still active duty. We took his prescriptions, hand-written scripts for a NARCOTIC by the way, to an active duty base....guess what!? They wouldn't fill them. Surprise, surprise! I guess thats what happens when you put an incompetent "doctor" (and I use that term very loosely) in charge of wounded warriors and dope them up instead of helping them recover. In fact, the whole Warrior Transition Unit in Germany is a CROCK of CRAP! Let's dope up our wounded service men and women until they become shells of their former selves and hope for the best....THEN let's give them a bunch of classes to take that really do NOTHING in preparation for transition and hope the information overload will come across as informative and helpful....THEN let's HANDWRITE PRESCRIPTIONS FOR NARCOTICS AND SEND THEM BACK STATESIDE WITH NO FOLLOW UP....THEN let's wait forever to send their paperwork to the VA (which we neglected to tell them has a 60 waiting period AFTER the day are discharged)...then when they need help, let's pretend we never knew who they were. PREPOSTEROUS!! For those of you "in the know" do everything you can to keep your husbands/friends/wives out of the WTU or at least insist on your loved one getting better care. Needless to say, I had to make a call to the regional VA office and insist that Travis get his pain meds....because who knew a fractured spine (that wasn't even allowed to heal properly) could hurt?! MOVING ON....

We came home with the hopes (and expectation, because really...we hadn't seen family in sooo long) that our families would welcome us back with open arms and help us out. For the most part, this is true. We came back to a crap-storm of epic proportions; suffice it to say that family feuds were at the tamer end of the spectrum. I love my family for helping us out, but can you really expect me to be ok with my toddler in that environment?! I felt so unwanted/unwelcome most of the time....I prayed for GOD above to find a place for us to live. I love my family, I truly do, and that is why I pray for them DAILY. Thank JESUS an opportunity arose for us to purchase a home; the perfect home for us. Our house is a work in progress; we didn't get the biggest or most spacious house on the block...but it fits our small family. Speaking of family; I miss my family in Germany whom I could rely on to help me when I needed it. Thank GOD I don't have to have constant care for TJ, because I cannot find stable help in watching him at all. I am disappointed. Then again...he is my kid.

I had a hard time accepting life as a civilian once again....I walked around making sure EVERYONE knew that I was not your average civilian. Call it arrogance, but I needed SOMETHING to remind me of my Army family. Life out here is rough people. I still cannot find a job. Probably not helping that we picked the state with the highest unemployment rate in which to live. Whatever. Travis is working and just got a promotion, I am so proud of him. His doctor is concerned with Travis working and if I am to be honest...so am I. He already has enough to deal with, what with his injuries acting up. I just pray that someone doesn't do something to set him off....it won't end well.

There are so many nights I feel so alone. I think I have cried more in the past 3 months than I have in the past 3 years. I still can't watch shows or movies with a baby being born without having flashbacks to my own experience and bawling my eyes out. We haven't conceived and we've been trying. I REFUSE to become obsessed about it...but it still hurts because I want to give our son a sibling. I am thankful for our son, so spare me the "but you already have one..." stuff. I am not selfish for wanting another child. My son is everything to me; sometimes I fail as a mother but I love him with all I have. Sometimes I feel like all I have isn't enough though. I lost it with him today. Since before TJ was even conceived, Travis and I discussed our desires for discipline. We decided to be non-spanking parents. I swatted TJ's bottom. Only once and I immediately grabbed him and apologized. He just wouldn't listen and telling him no only got me so far. He cried like I've never heard and immediately opened his arms to me. I'm a hypocrite; I've written papers on the repercussions of spanking. I cried so hard over it that I made him cry. Not good. I think I may still have Post Partum issues that have not been dealt with. I prayed; I heard nothing in return.

I did receive a breakthrough at church this past Sunday. A small one, but a breakthrough nonetheless. The enemy has been attacking me something fierce. I can feel it in my mind as I sleep; I wake up so tired as though I've literally been through battle. I'm not praying as much as I should. Nor do I read my Bible as often as I should. Sometimes it's all I can do to just say His name: Jesus. I need prayer people....lots of it.

God did bless us with a beautiful home and money to fix things and food to eat, clothes to wear, cars to drive. I take none of it for granted; I know it could all be gone in an instant. Sometimes people are gone in an instant too. I've been thinking about my loved ones who have passed away. My unborn children, my older brother, and my father are at the forefront of my mind. I wonder what my babies would have looked like if things had been different? Are they with God? I pray they are so I can see them in heaven. Is my brother in heaven? Does he know I often think of him? Does he know I forgive him? Did he forgive me? Did my dad go to heaven? Did he really find peace before he died? Only God knows.

I am jobless, but hopeful that something will come my way. I need to put my son in daycare so he can interact with other kids his own age. I need to get my butt in gear and pray about my education; where will I go, what will I do? Only God knows, but I wish He would tell me. Forgiveness, mercy, grace, defeat, unholy, unrighteous. Just words floating through my head right now. This has been a very cathartic blog for me. I passed judgement in this blog; I am truly sorry. However, I cannot be sorry for speaking my mind. Too often I suck it up and take what people give or I get too aggressive and let them have it. I need to come up with a way to politely, yet firmly, make my opinions/beliefs known. I get tired of people taking advantage of me and I get tired of people calling me stuck up. I really get tired of people's body image issues. Quit comparing yourself to the men/women in magazines. You will NEVER be them. Besides, if you are trying to look the way someone else wants you to? You'll never be happy, because they never will. I am not stuck up by the way; I am extremely shy around strangers and when I am put in an awkward situation (say, in a crowd of people who use curse words at every turn..) I clam up and people mistake my quietness for being stuck up. No, being stuck up would imply that I think I am better than you. I don't think I am better than anyone. I may have different morals or values, but your humanity is no less important than mine. God loves us all, why is that so hard to understand!? I have to sit and listen to you drop f-bombs and I am expected to take it, but the moment I mention how Jesus saved my life...I am a zealot? I pray for you.

Here I sit, in a beautiful house with my gorgeous husband and son, typing on a really nice computer...yet I complain. Do you people see why I call myself imperfect?! Because I am IMPERFECT. I make mistakes. Thank you for pointing out my indiscretions; because really I couldn't see them myself. Why do you think I pray or go to church or read my bible?! I KNOW I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!!


I am tired. This blog was all over the place see? I may even make a few people mad; not my intention. I just needed to get all these crazy words and feelings out of my mind, clear up some space. I will continue to do updates and what not. Let you know progress in our lives. I miss my Army family, but the people in my life ARE my family and I am grateful for them. I love and cherish each and every one of you. TJ walks, talks, and drives me crazy but I wouldn't change a thing about him. He is a blessed and highly favored little man. He says HI to everyone he sees, brings a smile to the face of everyone he meets; thank you GOD for a blessing. My husband looks at my body (which I gave up trying to perfect) and calls me sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, and the hottest woman ever. He prays, talks to God, loves me and our son, provides for our family, and loves Jesus. What more could I ask for?

Until next time peeps.

~Sally

I am no Picasso....

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot paint a room. Not even painters tape will help. My sons room will have crooked lines and uneven trimming. Sometimes I ask myself why I started this. Then I think about that little doe eyed guy and I remember its for him. I would have an entire house full of poorly painted walls if it meant he was happy. Our house is coming along quite nicely. We hope to have our things delivered sometime within the next week or so. Yay for having our stuff back! It has not been as hard of an adjustment as I initially thought it would. We are moving right along, only because of Jesus. Well that's about it for now. Blogging from an android phone is kinda hard so I'm cutting it short. Take care and be blessed!

Starting Over....

Hello to everyone out there who may (or may not) read this.  It has been too long since my last update, so I figured I would let you all know what's going on with us.  Since my last update, we moved across the big pond and are currently residing with my parents.  I am reminded of my teenage years, as we have no vehicle at the moment and I need rides everywhere.  I love spending time with family and making up for the last six years having been virtually absent due to the Army.  Travis is transitioning really well.  In fact, he is taking civilian life a lot better than I had hoped; I couldn't be more proud of my warrior.  We are currently waiting to hear back from the VA and the Social Security Admin. about his status, but we are confident in what the Lord has promised and we know all our needs will be met.  In the meantime, I am filling out applications and getting my resume into the hands of employers everywhere.  It has been nearly 4 years since I have been employed but I know the perfect job out there is waiting for me ( I just have to find it!).  We recently rented a nice car and spent a few days at the beach of Lake Michigan.  It was great to see how TJ reacted to the water and sand.....he didn't like the sand at all.  We also went to the Coast Guard Festival, we got a little nostalgic seeing people in military uniform but it was nice seeing people support their own.  We also were blessed to find a palce to worship this past Sunday and it was so nice to be in the house of the Lord once again.  There is something to be said for worhiping with like minded people in Christ.  It is so easy to slip back into the ways of the world when we are out of the body of Christ.  I am so very thankful that we obeyed God and went to that church.  We are already excited to see how the Lord will use us to do His will.  I believe Travis may be co-pastoring in the near future!!  I miss my Baumholder peeps something crazy!  Some days it is hard for me to accept the fact that we aren't a part of the Army and some days I am glad for it.  I know we will run into each other sometime in the future, after all the world is only so big!  So that is where we are at the moment; transitioning, catching up with family and friends, looking for employment, and looking for our own space.  I want to start gardening.  Anyone have any tips for someone with a not-so-green thumb?  I am looking forward to the future, I know it can only get better from here.  Keep in touch, let me know how you are doing.  TJ misses his church mommies and all his lil baby besties and their mommies!  Love from the Moser's to you!!

Busy Bears....

We have been busy around here for the last week.  Between throwing out a bunch of things, dropping off dontions, and separating our belongings for the move....it looks like a tornado hit our house!  I am so excited to be heading home and I seriously cannot wait to set foot in a Wal-Mart or Target instead of a PX.  I just know it will be a liberating experience.

I have been trying to relax while doing all this prepartion....I know it sounds impossible, but sometimes packing and sorting helps me to deal with stress.

EDIT:  One week later...

We have some of our belongings on their way to the states and some on their way to storage.  We have been staying with our good friend Jen, who really is our sister.  We have said goodbye to our stuff, cleared our old place, and are prepared to fly home tomorrow.  What a surreal experience to be not only moving away from Germany but moving on from the Army.  We have decided to let go and let God be in control of where our lives go from here.  He has made a way and already has our home picked out, our careers picked out, and our paths determined.  God is great and is showing Himself in our lives more and more.  I am so thankful to serve a mighty God!  Travis and I are excited to be around family again and cannot wait to take TJ to the ocean for the first time!  We are waiting for everything to settle down for us and then we begin the process of building a life outside the military. 

America here we come!!
   

So much to do and so little...time?

We have received word that our orders to leave Germany will be available for pick-up on Monday.  What an exciting feeling; knowing we are mere weeks away from being with our families and friends stateside!  At the same time, I know I will be sad leaving my family here in Baumholder.  To my fellow preggo sisters (now mommies), to my very dear sisters who have seen me at my worst, my church family, and just the Army family in general.  I have posted about this before, so I won't repeat myself.  This big move means we have to arrange our house into categories, which can be a bit difficult if you have little bits and pieces scattered every which way.  Hand carried, HHG, UB, ship ahead, documents, donate, trash.  Our house looks like the entire contents have been strewn about...which they have. I even have to separate TJ's toys, what to store vs. what to take/ship to Granana's house.  My little man deserves his favorite playthings.  I am very overwhelmed at the moment, so to me it seems that I have too much to do and not enough time.  I want to have my house organized for when the movers get here so they can pack things with as little hassle as possible.  I am one frazzled mama bear.  My poor guitar has been neglected for the better part of a year...poo ol' blue.  I know I have been busy being a mom and what not, but the reality is that I just don't make time for her anymore.  That is wrong of me.  I know when I am done with the stresses as of late, I will be better and MAKE time for her. 

In other words, I have felt myself start to disconnect from my friends here in Germany.  This is what every single time we move....I don't know if it is because it makes saying "goodbye" easier or what.  I love my friends here so much.  I am going to miss you all!!  I know I am not the phone talker and I don't call every day but I cherish each of you and keep you close to my heart.

I am happy to announce that yours truly has been awarded her AS degree!!  I am so excited about it; I have worked long and hard for this.  I am waiting for it to arrive in the mail, and I truly hope it gets here before we leave.  When we get back stateside, I am going to go to school and probably get my nursing degree.  It is going to be a LOT of work, but I will be helping people and that is something I want to do.  COLLEGE HO!!!

This post is just a quick update on things and obviously a bit of jumbled mess as I am all over the place....surely my english report professor would be proud.  At any rate, more to come when I have news!  Ciao loved ones!

SJ

A New Chapter Begins....

As some of you may know, our time with the military is coming to an end.  It is not the ending we imagined or hoped for, but does anything ever really happen the way we imagine?  Travis and I have built our whole lives around the Army and we are sad to be leaving, yet proud to have been a part of it.  God has His own plans for our lives and they include finally being with our family and friends after so many years of separation.  It is time for TJ to be with his grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles.  It is time for me to finally learn to sew like my gramma and my husband to learn car mechanics from my dad.  We will never forget the friends, who are more like family, that we have made while in the military.  There is something about a military community that outsiders just don't understand.  There is an instant bond between spouses and children of soldiers, connections that can last a lifetime.  My son has many surrogate aunts that will forever be a part of his life and hold a piece of his heart.  My husband has friends he will be able to reminisce with for years to come.  I have sisters who I know I will able to call after years of no communication, and we will be able to pick up right where we left off.  This will not be an easy transition for our family, but I am thankful that God is there to soothe any bumps and bruises along the way.

To my Army family, thank you for being there for me through everything.  Sometimes we fought and didn't see eye to eye, but in the end I knew that we would be friends for a long time.  To my Army sisters who have made a lifelong imprint on my heart, and you know who you are, I fully expect to be kept in the loop!  Thank you to the seasoned spouses who helped me learn to adapt to Army life.  I never would have made it through my first month long separation from my husband if it weren't for you.  Thank you to the installations we had the privilege to call home; and to the installation where I gave birth to my son.  How many other kids can say, "I was born in a military hospital in Germany?"  Thank you to the soldiers for your never ending sacrifice, especially the wounded warriors. Not many know your pains, but I do.  I have seen them first hand.  Your sacrifices are not in vain.  Most importantly, thank you to MY soldier.  SGT Moser, you are the  most selfless person I know.  You endured loss, mental and physical anguish, betrayal, dishonor, and disrespect...yet you pressed toward the mark.  You are such an inspiration to me, I have no words.  I look at you and stand in awe of all you have accomplished in your life.  I don't regret a single moment with you; you are one of the best things that has happened to me.  I love that you love God.  You keep me smiling even when I don't want to.  You lift me up when all I want to do is crawl under a rock.  You have taken this transition so well and you do it with pride and honor.  I know you are losing a lot more than I am, yet you never waiver nor falter.  You remain as steadfast as any Roman statue.  I love you Travis, with every fiber of my being.  TJ is so in love with you; you are his soldier daddy.  Our little boy looks up to you in a way that makes other fathers envy you.  Not only are you America's Hero, but you are our own personal hero.  Thank you for your selfless service and sacrifice.

This has been one great ride, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be part of it.  It is time for this mama bear and her family to go wherever the good Lord decides!

Army Wife for Life.
Sally

The sad reality we live...

Here you have, let's say, a company who enlists the aid of citizens to perform certain duties and tasks for a set amount of time and for a contracted rate.  After spending nearly $1,000,000 in training, uniforms, equipment issued, and pay...the company then puts these men and women in various dangerous situations where it is likely some will not make it out alive or completely in tact (mentally or physically).  After being separated from their loved ones and familiar places, the men and women are expected to return to their company base and given about two weeks worth of time to "regroup" and get back into the groove of things.  Some of these men and women are missing actual pieces of themselves and/or some of them are struggling with the job(s) they have performed while away and when they ask for help...they receive it in the form of a pill and a bunch of snide remarks from their peers and leaders.  Sure, the company likes to put out memos that asking for help is OK and is encouraged, but everyone on the inside knows it is not that simple.  After some time, and a bookoo amount of "happy pills", some of the men and women feel withdrawn.  They turn to recreational drugs, alcohol, and even self inflicted pain to help ease the emotional burdens they bear.  Because these people give their company a bad name, they are given even more "happy pills" and swept under a rug to keep from making too many waves.  This company has taken completely healthy and stable men and women, because of the extensive background checks and so on, and then uses them until their bodies and minds and spirits are so broken down that the slightest comment from a friend.....causes them to make a decision, one they've been contemplating for a while....and this unfortunate person decides that there is no other option....that their pain is completely unbearable and nobody loves them.  Jesus isn't even a thought in their mind.  This person takes their own life.  A life is lost, a tragedy befalls those they leave behind.  The company will go through the pomp and circumstance of making sure people see that they "cared" for this person....but those close to the company will know that they are really just putting on an act. 


This is the sad reality I live with in the community I am in.  People wonder why I preach or talk about God all the time?  It is because people, like these men and women, need to know HIM.  They need to know that Jesus can pull them from the darkness that looms inside and heal their wounds better than any "happy pill" ever could.  We pray for those who are hanging in the balance; sometimes God saves and sometimes He does not.  I am reminded of the scripture that reads, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away." 

May the God of peace be with you, touch and bless any of you who have or are experiencing the effects of suicide.  To anyone who may be thinking about it: THERE IS HOPE FOR THE HELPLESS.  THERE IS ONE WHO CAN AND WILL PROTECT YOU AND KEEP YOU FROM THE DARKNESS.  HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND IS WAITING WITH HIS HAND OUTSTRETCHED TO YOU.

This is a really heavy post, and I apologize, but I needed to get my feelings out.  ~One Sad Mamabear

Time keeps on slippin'.....

Have you ever promised you would do something on a regular basis and then before you know it, the thing you've promised yourself you would do....has long been forgotten?  I kind of feel like that with this blog.  I started it as an outlet of sorts, then it turned into this need to keep in touch with family and friends...and now it seems like it is something I do just to pass the time (as if I need help with that?!).  Stress has been the word of the day in this household for the past couple of months.  Between TJ getting incredibly sick, Travis dealing with his MEB stuff, and my juggling school-motherhood-wifehood....it has reached DEFCON 1 in this house and everyone is braced for impact.  Prayer has been our go to tool to fix things, that and family back home.....but sometimes we need to pony up and deal with these problems ourselves.  Granted, God is right there with us but it is my belief that sometimes we are meant to go through some things and He is there in the background to make sure nothing truly heinous occurs.  

WITH THAT BEING SAID.....we are hopefully mere months away from Travis' medical retirement from the Army.  This is an exciting, scary, sad, happy, joyful, and terrifying time for us.  All we have known the last 6 years of our life is the Army way.  It will be so weird not to wash ACU's or PT's on a regular basis, strange that I won't have that fear of a looming deployment...not that I am complaining...because I remember all too well the feelings of uneasiness.  

TJ is also cruising around like crazy.  The kid can totally stand up on his own, he just gets freaked out if there is nothing to hold onto.  He is amazing to watch when other kids are around; he tries to hard to get right into the thick of it with them.  The boy will grow up to be an amazing man, that is for sure.  He loves people and has a bright personality that I PRAY will never fade.  I love TJ so much, it is such a blessing to watch him blossom into who he is as a person; his laughter melts my heart every time I hear it.

Travis and I are doing good; we have our ups and downs but we know that we love one another and as long as we communicate and take care of ourselves, we will be alright.  Married life is not easy.  I would like to know who said that you never have to work at being married?  If marriage was all sunshine and rainbows requiring no work, divorce wouldn't be such a popular reason to go to court.  Marriage requires effort from both husband and wife; you cannot expect everything to just work out on its own.  Remember those vows?  "For better or for worse."  Sometimes people jump ship when the going gets tough....they seem to forget that they said they would be there through thick and thin.  People in a marriage are always going through some sort of change, everyone is in a constant state of spiritual evolution (oxymoron anyone?), mental growth and maturity....so why do we get upset at one another when we notice that our partner is different?  I am a firm believer in fixing problems before they start, and they will start.  So go out there and get the help you need before you both decide to jump ship and leave a perfectly good vessel to its own devices....marriage is a beautiful thing and shouldn't be treated with such carelessness.  

OK, I am off my soapbox now.  I blog for myself too, ya know.  Don't think I like to give advice without speaking to myself as well.  

I am out for now....we are getting a new bed today and this mama bear is excited!!!

SJ

For moms everywhere!

I was asked to submit a "Want Ad" for an assignment in one of my classes.  I decided on a mom want ad, complete with responsibilities and qualifications.  I also had to include an annual salary based on actual rates for the various jobs a mom does from the time of conception through 18 (or longer if your baby bird doesn't fly the coop!).  I thought it was a fun excitement and it gave me a chance to be funny...which I totally LOVE!  So, here it is. enjoy!  Oh, and we are all doing great and TJ is almost walking; exciting! 

WANTED: MOM 4 HIRE

MUST PROVIDE YOUR OWN OVUM!!

Seeking a qualified female candidate to fill the position of “mom” for an indefinite amount of time with the main responsibilities ranging from the age of conception through 18 years. Must be available 7 days a week, 24 hours a day with no question. Hours include weekends and holidays, all vacations will include children from here on out.

Responsibilities and Qualifications include, but are not limited to:

• Housekeeper, maid, servant.
• Short order cook/ gourmet chef.
• Teacher, philosopher, therapist, religious and academic advisor.
• Nurse, doctor, and surgeon; healer of all boo boos.
• Maintenance and janitorial personnel.
• Event Coordinator
• Open daycare during preschool and preteen years.
• Judge, jury, and executioner (figuratively speaking, of course).
• Nutritionist
• Must be able to see through hurt and pain to the root of the problem.
• Mind Reader
• Fortune Teller
• Laundress, to include occasional ironing and scrubbing off of dirt and grime.
• Interior Design
• Plumber, electrician, remover of peas from ears with precision.
• Landscape artist/groundskeeper.
• Must be able to be both mom and dad when necessary.
• Administrative Assistant
• Chief Executive Officer
• Taxi driver/chauffeur
• Must be able to coach any sports team and do it well, and occasionally transport said team.
• Experienced in negotiations and “the talk”
• Extensive knowledge of all things “why?”
• Accountant and bank teller.
• Logistics Analyst
• Computer whiz, to include removing the occasional slice of bologna from the hard drive.
• Counselor, specializing in “first loves” and heartbreak.
• Must possess instant healing kisses and provide them on demand.
• Must possess a nurturing attitude and comforting heart.
• Computer Operator and systems analyst.

YEARLY SALARY FOR THIS POSITION IS: $165,125 including a nice benefits package.

*All applicants who choose to submit an application, please include a fertile ovum with your submission. All candidates who meet the criteria will be contacted with an expected due date. THIS PARTICULAR JOB DOES NOT COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS NOR WILL YOU RECEIVE ANY TRAINING. WE EXPECT YOU TO PERFORM YOUR DUTIES WITHOUT FAIL OR FACE PUBLIC SCRUTINITY BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN.