The Little Boy...

I have been looking over old photos and videos taken of TJ today, conception to now.  I have also noticed a severe lack of photos and videos taken since our move back stateside.  I am going to rectify this situation immediately.  I have been taking my son for granted; it isn't just the lack of photos and videos.  Most of you know the struggles Travis and I went through just to have a living child and how, when we finally birthed our son, we came very close to losing him.   This last year I have been so wrapped up in our abrupt life changes that I forgot I have a walking-talking miracle who has been getting bigger and smarter every single day.  I feel like such a horrible mother, and wife, and friend, and daughter, and sister, and all around just horrible person (a whole other blog in itself).  Like Hannah said in 1Sam. 1:27, "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to Him."  I have prayed for my son and his life more than I have prayed for anything before.  I really hate that I have taken him for granted; tomorrow is promised to no one.  Watching these old videos and looking at these old pictures, I don't think I ever put the camera down.  I am going to start enjoying my family again; more importantly, my son.  He deserves a mother who is better than what I have been lately.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't neglected him in any way...I just need to be better for him and to him.  A friend of mine said recently that she was so lost in her depression that she didn't enjoy her children anymore, she just went through the motions.  I kind of feel the same way.  In Jesus name, I abolish this unholy spirit and loose the spirit of God upon my life and upon my relationship with my son.  In Jesus name, Amen.    I love TJ with all my heart; he is literally a part of me and a part of my best friend in the whole world.  I am done letting every day go by with no memories captured, no memories made. I am choosing to take advantage of every minute I have with my special boy, who still has that sweet newborn smell.  The little boy who first learned to clap his hands when he was just 4 months old.  The little boy who still calls milk, "mama."  The little boy who comes running up to me and hugs me with a fierceness I have never known and takes my breath away with the fierceness of his love.  The little boy who had my heart from the moment I saw his little heart beating away on that screen.  The little boy I prayed so very hard for.