The process of moving on from the major changes in our life has been a rough one, but I am happy to say that our family is adjusting well (adding a dog into our crazy little family has definitely helped!) and we don't wish for our past life every day like we used to. I can't really speak for T, but I know he misses the Army. I miss being able to stay at home with my son and I miss being a part of something. I think that is what I struggle with the most, although not as much. Some days I am very thankful that T is out of the Army, because he does get to be with TJ and I and I know he is safe because I know where he is. Other days, like today, I feel like I don't fit anywhere...not an "army wife" but not really a civilian? It is very difficult to describe, I am certain I am not the only one that has experienced this feeling. I don't dwell on these feelings, because they only make me sad and want to be where my sisters are. I try to press forward and look for the blessings in my life, and there are many. We have a beautiful home, we are both working and we are able to keep up on our bills, TJ is in a great daycare and loves to be around his cousins. I remind myself that God does everything for our benefit, even it is all jumbled and very frustrating. I am so glad these sad days are becoming few and far between. I texted one of my sisters today that I missed her bunches, I miss all my sisters bunches. I wonder how they are doing, how their children are doing, if their husbands are safe. We all keep in touch and I am so thankful for email and facebook, where would I be without it? One of the worst parts for me? Knowing that we won't be moving in 2 years...I know it sounds crazy, but we have moved every 2-3 years since 2006 and I find that there are still unpacked boxes and I wonder if subconsciously I didn't unpack them "just in case." Don't get me wrong, I am not upset or anything and I am very happy where we are..I am just having one of those days ya know? This too shall pass. :)
God bless ya!
Sally
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Dear God,
I need to understand. I need to know why you have brought these two little angels into my heart over the past few days and why can I not keep them from my mind? Are you trying to tell me something? Am I not spending enough time with my own son? Am I being too greedy by wanting another child? Am I about to go through something really awesome or totally crappy? Why have you brought little Ronan and Ty into my heart? I've never met them or heard of them until a few days ago and now I cannot get their stories out of my mind and my heart breaks for their mommies. Why do children get cancer and die? I know God, I KNOW by the stripes of Jesus we are healed...but why do such beautiful children have to suffer through a hell on earth such as cancer? Your word says that children belong to the kingdom of Heaven; does this mean they are on loan? I am a moderately educated 31 year old woman with a young son, whom I prayed for harder than anything I can remember, yet I feel like a child because I want to know why you allow children to get cancer? Why isn't there a cure? Why does pediatric cancer not get the attention it deserves? Why did Ronan and his absolutely beautiful blue eyes get eaten alive by this horrible disease? Why do Ty's mom and dad have to by that white suit for "you know what?" My heart is hurting, my faith is shaking and these children aren't even mine. I have come to realize that maybe YOU are telling me that I need to pay better attention and be kinder to my own son, well God...I am listening. I want to blog about my son, write songs about my son, play with my son, make cheesey videos about the cool things he does because he is ALIVE...but part of me is breaking for all these mommies who do these things while wearing a piece of their children in a locket around their neck. How sad. Back to the question at hand; why have you brought these stories into my life? What lesson am I to learn? Am I learning it, have I learned it? Touch these families Lord, they need you. All of them need your peace and love, even if they are mad at you for their babies being taken away by cancer. Love them. Help me to help them. I don't know how. I have the Unseen Heroes project I am working on and now this? Help me God, I am really in desperate need. What do I do? In loving memory of all children who have lost their battle with cancer and to the ones who have and are making it through. GO FOR THE GOLD!
~Me
I need to understand. I need to know why you have brought these two little angels into my heart over the past few days and why can I not keep them from my mind? Are you trying to tell me something? Am I not spending enough time with my own son? Am I being too greedy by wanting another child? Am I about to go through something really awesome or totally crappy? Why have you brought little Ronan and Ty into my heart? I've never met them or heard of them until a few days ago and now I cannot get their stories out of my mind and my heart breaks for their mommies. Why do children get cancer and die? I know God, I KNOW by the stripes of Jesus we are healed...but why do such beautiful children have to suffer through a hell on earth such as cancer? Your word says that children belong to the kingdom of Heaven; does this mean they are on loan? I am a moderately educated 31 year old woman with a young son, whom I prayed for harder than anything I can remember, yet I feel like a child because I want to know why you allow children to get cancer? Why isn't there a cure? Why does pediatric cancer not get the attention it deserves? Why did Ronan and his absolutely beautiful blue eyes get eaten alive by this horrible disease? Why do Ty's mom and dad have to by that white suit for "you know what?" My heart is hurting, my faith is shaking and these children aren't even mine. I have come to realize that maybe YOU are telling me that I need to pay better attention and be kinder to my own son, well God...I am listening. I want to blog about my son, write songs about my son, play with my son, make cheesey videos about the cool things he does because he is ALIVE...but part of me is breaking for all these mommies who do these things while wearing a piece of their children in a locket around their neck. How sad. Back to the question at hand; why have you brought these stories into my life? What lesson am I to learn? Am I learning it, have I learned it? Touch these families Lord, they need you. All of them need your peace and love, even if they are mad at you for their babies being taken away by cancer. Love them. Help me to help them. I don't know how. I have the Unseen Heroes project I am working on and now this? Help me God, I am really in desperate need. What do I do? In loving memory of all children who have lost their battle with cancer and to the ones who have and are making it through. GO FOR THE GOLD!
~Me
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