2013

Here it is folks, another obligatory end of the year post!  Every year I resolve to write more on my blog and every year I fail. I suppose I will resolve to keeping this blog for the sole purpose of cathartic writing, so there.  That said, here is a brief look back at the highlights of 2013 (in no chronological order...c'mon it is too late for my brain to function that well).

In 2013:

• We received promise of new arrivals in our home.

• We found out we were having a baby girl.
• My son started home schooling.
• The promise of new arrivals were dashed by a corrupt system that I am convinced is designed to see families fall apart.
• My little boy suddenly stopped being so little, and it made me a bit sad.
• My husband and I went through a new phase of falling in love.
• My husband and I discovered things we never knew about each other.
• I watched my son marvel at the arrival of his baby sister.
• I birthed my daughter on the ottoman of our couch (seriously...how have you NOT read that yet?!).
• I proved to myself that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
• My husband finally learned that there are in fact inappropriate times to joke around.
• I went another year missing some friends/family that I really want/need to see.
• I watched my little boy morph into a big brother.
• I learned to let go of my past and truly forgive others and myself.
• I strayed from God, but I am finding my way back.
• I met some amazing women who I consider life long friends.
• I started my first online shop where I sell my crochet goodies.
• The lesson of humility hit us and hard.
• I started a foundation for Veterans who suffer from unseen wounds, like my husband.
• I learned my husband is a humble man.
• God tested my faith.

It is my sincere hope that 2014 is good to you all and that fear, doubt, suffering, loss, grief, and anger will have no place in your new year.  I hope the same thing for my family and myself.  I am praying for prosperity, a deeper sense of spirituality and faith in God, a stronger desire and action to help those less fortunate than I, and to rid myself of all negativity.  God bless you and keep you and His grace be ever upon you!

Love,

Sally 

Better.

I feel different.  We moved around our entire kitchen and dining room because we needed more room.  I like how it is set up, but it will take some getting used to...I'm not into feng shui (I don't even know if I've spelled it correctly), but somehow I feel different.  As we were moving things around, Travis and I were having a conversation about our parenting decisions and suddenly I felt different.  I told him as much.  I explained how I've been feeling empty inside and just tired emotionally/physically/mentally/spiritually...but suddenly just felt different.  The feelings weren't bad, almost the tiniest hint of rejuvenation.  Last week was a horrid week in our household on all fronts.  I even hopped on facebook and asked for prayer, which is something I generally don't do but I was desperate.  I am hopeful that the Lord heard someones intercession for us because whatever that darkness was hovering over our house and seeming to follow us everywhere, it is leaving.  Lighter is probably a better word to describe the feeling.  So tonight I sit here feeling contemplative about my relationship with the Lord and for the first time in a very long time have a desire to study my Bible.  Yes, it has been that long.  I was communicating with a friend of mine how far from God I feel lately and how shaky my faith has been; I say lately but is has been the better part of 2 years. That verse that talks about the wishy-washy waves.  That is me, right now.  I feel good, for a minute, but then something happens or someone happens and I am right back down there.  BUT TODAY:  the clouds may be clearing and, however faint and small, God is calling me.  I don't hide my spiritual beliefs, but I don't brag about them either.  God is God all by Himself and he doesn't need me to prove it.  I wish more Christians could understand that. I told Travis that we have a season of "better" before us.  I believe that is what I said to him, better.  2013 brought us new life, new experiences, new challenges, and now a new hope.  I remain hopeful.  I am still learning how to be steadfast.  I cannot tell you how many times, these last couple years, I have fallen down where I stand and just cried out. God says he can make prayers out of moans and groans and that's a good thing because Lord knows I have done just that when crying out. 

"Renew a steadfast spirit within me..."  I hear this in my head and feel it in my very soul.  I know moving around some furniture didn't cause this change, I know it was God.  I am glad that I can feel the negativity moving on, away from my family and our home.  Free.  Light.  I've been teaching TJ a new scripture every week for school and because he is only 3, I try to keep it short and simple so he can memorize it....but I often wonder if I am really the one who is choosing which verse every week.  Here is to hope, change, and better.  I just want to be better.  I know who I want to be, I know who I am now, I know who I don't want to become.  Someone told me once that I act like I am "better than everyone else."  That really hurt me, because if that person only knew how I feel about myself they wouldn't have said that. I am sorry to anyone I have ever made feel that way.  Please know that I don't think myself better than anyone else.  I didn't intend for this post to go there, but it did.  *phew*

I just want to be a better Christian.  A better wife, a better mother, a better person. 

~Sally