"I AM Here."

So I sit here and think about life. I have had all these perfectly formed stories floating around in my head and, wouldn't you know it, as soon as I have time to sit at my computer and actually put the proverbial pen-to-paper....nothing. I really wanted my blog to inspire people, to make people laugh (because really, I AM funny...right?), and be able to share my thoughts or opinions on issues that concern me (like a previous post that shall remain anonymous). I received a message last night from an old friend about how my posts on a certain social networking site have inspired her to go back to church and get into a relationship with God. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the Lord, but they also know that I have many, many flaws. I have been battling a spirit of depression lately; an awful feeling for anyone who has experienced this plight. Last night came to a breaking point when I was watching some inspirational videos online and the Glory of the Lord just fell. I have been experiencing what I like to call a "glass house" effect. I pray and seek the Lord, but I am in a glass house and all my pleas fall right back down to the floor. I know this happens to many of God's children, we all get to that place now and again, where we feel like God can't hear us. As this happened last night, I felt His arms wrap around me. I felt the peace I have been longing for just wash over me. Tears of repentance poured from my eyes as I heard that still small voice whisper, "I am here." I swear I heard the glass house breaking down all around me. I knew, in that moment, that God was taking over this battle for me. What I just realized, even as I type this, is that He was waiting for me to relinquish control to Him because I cannot do this on my own. How many songs have I sung about calling on the Lord or wanting the Lord's help? Yet, here I am trying to wage war against an enemy that is all too familiar with my flaws and knows how to break through the chink in my so-called armor. After I sat and prayed for a bit and thanked God for hearing my pleas, I received this message from my friend. They told me to keep posting about the Lord and how they were impressed with my posts online. The only thing I could think of was, "Do they know how many nights I lose sleep because I am so out of line with God?" I was touched, that even though I am going through some things in my life (which as most of you know, the last 6 months or so have not been easy on our family), someone sees the Jesus in me...even if it is through a status update online. I admit, there are times when I let my mouth (and my temper) get the best of me and I say or do something inappropriate. There are other times when I give someone tough love. The kind of love you give to someone when you know they are wrong and they need to be made aware? But I digress. I was so enamored with this message that I did the only thing I could think of. I sent a reply, telling my friend that I cannot take any credit for anything. I don't brag about me, I brag about my God and what HE has done for me. I told my friend not to be intimidated by people in a church, because even as much as some like to put on a show every Sunday...ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. Even the person behind the pulpit. I have witnessed people dressed to the nines every Sunday, every Bible verse memorized, able to recite the entire genealogy of Jesus Christ from memory unable to hold a candle to their counterpart who shows up in jeans and a t-shirt but has the word of God in their heart.

There is a song I love to sing when I need to remind myself that I am not perfect and never will be while on this earth. "We fall down, but we get up. We fall down, but we get up. For a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up." I told my friend that it takes courage to stand up and admit your faults to the Lord and humble yourself before Him. People don't realize that even though it is difficult to admit to your sin, being freed from it is the greatest reward there is. I am praying for my friend; praying for strength, deliverance, forgiveness, peace, and grace. You really need to be careful about what you call yourself and how you choose to act because people ARE watching you. You could be the only Jesus someone ever sees.

With that said, Thanksgiving is just around the corner and we are planning on hosting it at our home this year. This should be interesting, considering we have limited space for 20 some-odd people (who eat a Thanksgiving meal as if it were their only!). In other news, TJ will be going to daycare starting this week. As I will be either working or in school in the near future, I need to get him established in a group care setting with kids his own age. He has never been to daycare and this will probably be harder on me than him, HA! I am excited to start him out a couple days a week to see how he likes it. The couple times we have gone to the facility he'll be attending, he has expressed interest in wanting to play with the other kids and I am glad he is this enthused! Travis is also doing well, he is getting a promotion AND a raise (woohoo!) so that is awesome. God has really provided for our family in ways we never dreamed. How can I NOT give Him glory? Our house is feeling more like home (something I have been struggling with) and we are becoming closer as a family. I love life so much and I don't want to waste a single second of it!

Be blessed peeps!

Sal

I suppose that God showed me just how close people are watching what I do or say. One of my prayers is that people will see the Jesus in me, not the shy/temperamental/judgmental Sally in me. How silly of me to think that a long worded blog would do any better than a few status updates on the internet?