Headaches....

I have been experiencing pretty severe migraines now for about the last 6 months or so.  At first I attributed it to the change in environment and the stresses of our abrupt life changes and the stressors that some with it.  When they didn't subside and became for frequent, I started to take OTC meds and they helped for a bit.  At the pleas of my husband and my Pastor, I decided to make a doctor appointment.  That was an adventure; it took me almost two weeks to find a doctor office that would A.)  Take our insurance and B) Take new patients.  I finally had my doc appointment yesterday, which happened to be a day or so after I'd had a pretty bad migraine that kept me on my butt all day.  Sometimes I will have what I call residual headaches, that feel almost like aftershocks of the migraine; they are not fun at all.  I went into this appointment thinking that I was probably going to hear about my weight, but I was optimistic that the doctor would actually want to find out what is wrong.  A little background on me; I have been heavy my entire life.  Literally.  I don't know what it feels like to be skinny and if I am to be honest, I don't really care to ever know.  There was a time when my life's ambition was to be thin, but after suffering from anorexia-bulimia for a bit in high school and still not looking the way I wanted; I ballooned right back up my senior year.  ANYWAY, every time I have had a doctor appointment I have heard about my weight.  "You need to lose weight."  "You are in danger of (insert scary medical term here)."  I am tired of hearing this.  Yes, I know that I weigh more than what the BMI chart says I should.  Yes, I realize that I could afford to lose some weight.  At this particular appointment, I had told my doctor about the major stresses in my life right now and she acted as if I shouldn't be stressed that our lives were changed when Travis got out of the Army.  I am going to say this ONE TIME, to anyone who thinks it should be an easy transition:  We LOVED our life in the Army; yeah there were times when I complained about the situations or people, but Travis LOVED being a soldier and I LOVED the fact that I actually fit in somewhere.  We were not given a choice about whether or not we wanted to stay and live that lifestyle.  MY HUSBAND WAS WOUNDED IN COMBAT, HAD NO RECOVERY OR RECUPERATION TIME AND BECAUSE OF HIS POOR COMMAND WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO DO HIS JOB and without so much as a "Thank you for your service..." our future plans, hopes, and dreams were ripped away and we were thrust back into civilian life...which is on a completely different plane.  So yeah, I'm still stressing about it...not as much in the past few months, because we are FINALLY finding a groove that works for us, but it still hurts to think about how our lives will never be the same.  Back to the point; this doctor, like every other in my entire life, completely looked over the fact that I have gone through major life changes, I do exercise, and I actually eat a lot better than most people do.  She was a really nice person, and that made her words even more hurtful.  She told me I had high blood pressure which was causing my migraines and it's because I need to lose weight.  *sigh*  I weighed more than this when we moved to Germany and I didn't suffer migraines or high blood pressure.  I explained to her that I was very nervous and even in some pain, but of course she paid no mind to that because my weight is the root of all evil.  I have been researching the heck out of blood pressure and what she said was high, is in fact still in the normal range.  Then she wanted me to go on birth control so she could give me a medication (not safe for pregnancy) that would lower my b/p and help with the migraines.  I told her absolutely not; I have a hard enough time getting (and staying) pregnant while OFF birth control and there is no way I am compromising any chances we have to have more children.  So I take the other med she prescribed that is safe for pregnancy, and I wake up this morning bloated as if I had eaten an entire container of salt.  The main side affect of this med is water weight gain...go figure.  So now she wants me to take an anti-depressant med that also helps with migraines, but it won't help my blood pressure.  Seriously!?  There is more to this, but I am getting a headache just thinking about it.  If she was really trying to motivate to lose weight than she went about it the wrong way.  Did I mention that she was tall, thin, and young?  Of course I would get her as my doctor.  She was sweet to boot.  I have never left a doctors office in tears before, so full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.